It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
