you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
