Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
