i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
