Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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