That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
