I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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