Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
