I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
