He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
