I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
