Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
