A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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