Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
