My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
