I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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