shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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