I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
