I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
