38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
