I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
