I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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