he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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