ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
