Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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