does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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