btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
