all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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