If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
