She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
