And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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