we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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