Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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