I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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