Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't tell me you're on acid again
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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