Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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