When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
