walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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