I cannot find my penis.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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