my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
