So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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