how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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