im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
