I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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