I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
