my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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