How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
