Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
