Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
