And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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