They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
