I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
