I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
