I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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