I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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