my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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