I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
