She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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