and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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