that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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