I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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