chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I looked at my own cervix.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
