90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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