I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
