I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
