hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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