Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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